_edited.jpg)
Let's talk about dying
- Sutton Carers Centre
- Mar 18, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Nov 18, 2024
Did you know the funeral sector is not regulated? Or, that you can have any kind of funeral you want? Did you know that there is specialist wellbeing support for end of life Carers?
Thought about getting a LPA (Lasting Power of Attorney) in place even when you're not expecting to be ill, or who'd execute your will? Perhaps, more importantly, do you know what happens to your property or estate if you don't have a will?
There are so many questions and stresses that can surround the end of someone's life, but knowledge, planning and having open and honest conversation in advance can help you and your loved ones ensure wishes are met and disputes are avoided at this difficult time.
On March the 14th we made a start with our first extended Carers Connect Let's Talk about dying event.
We have summarised the Q&A sections, so can skip below to:
Clare from Poppy's Funerals, an ethical company based in Lambeth, talking about the practicalities around funerals, planning and options.
Caroline, SCC's Carers Specialist Support Worker about her role and the end of life support she offers, as well as bereavement support available.
Simon from St Raphael's following a talk on the Wellbeing Centre, end of life care at St Raphael's and the Compassionate Neighbours programme.
Ifat from Citizens Advice Sutton talked about wills and Inheritance Tax.
Q&A on funerals
Does re-use happen within natural burial grounds?
Although the re-use is the most environmentally friendly use of land, the re-use of graves is a very sensitive subject so at the moment re-using graves is very rare.
Municipal cemeteries are full, but even though if typical leases of 50 years are not renewed, there are many historical graves and land local authorities struggle to track down the families of the person who has died. There is often strong public opinion against re-use of graves, which means many local authorities are reluctant to go down this route.
What are the environmental reasons for shallow burials?
Decomposition is much faster in shallow graves, allowing bodies to return to soil, becoming fertilisation for the land.
What is the timescale of registering a death?
Generally within 5 days but there can be delays in relation to Coroner work etc, so no-one expects you to adhere to 5 days if this is not possible.
Is taking out a funeral plan worth it?
The idea is to save stress in the future to make sure costs are covered, but they do vary. So, check what is covered and that the provider is accredited by the Financial Conduct Authority.
What is the minimum cost for a funeral?
Really difficult to say, as everyone's idea of a funeral is different. Average funeral in London is £5k. The cheapest option is a direct cremation (non-attended funeral). There is an estimator on the Poppy's website.
You can pay to have ashes scattered at Kew Gardens. Can you scatter ashes anywhere?
As long as you have permission from the land owner. So, you can scatter ashes in your garden. Technically to scatter ashes in a park etc you should get permission from the local authority. There are no nutrient value to ashes, they are high alkaline, so not necessarily useful to plants! Some crematorium have remembrance gardens where you can scatter and have a plaque etc.
Useful links:
Impartial information and advice from Poppy's: 020 3589 4726 / hello@poppysfunerals.co.uk
Martin Lewis has an article on Funeral Plans.
Q&A on supporting an end of life Carer
As well as a struggle to share emotions when someone has died, is there a struggle to share emotions when someone is end of life?
Yes, very much so. It is almost the same. With sensitivity, being open and honest about how you are feeling is best, both from the Carers and the person who is end of life, otherwise stress and anxiety can come out in other ways, e.g. illness. It's important to share fears and anxieties.
What if someone doesn't want to talk about their wishes?
Everyone is different and you can't force someone to talk if they really don't want to. But, a suggestion is to start off gently, give it some time, and sometimes, getting out old photographs and talking about them can help open doorways to conversations about death. It may be that they are more comfortable talking to someone else, or it may just be that they are just not be ready yet.
Useful links
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross - recommended books: On grief and grieving; On death and dying
Widows support groups
Q&A on end of life care, St Raphael's Hospice & Wellbeing Centre
Overview
Hospices are not places to be afraid of. They provide a very broad range of services and a warm friendly environment. Wellbeing Services are open to the community at large and are not limited to those under the clinical care of the hospice. Support can be offered in people's homes.
What is the difference between a hospice and a nursing home?
Nursing homes tend to be for a longer term. Hospice care is usually only for a period of 3 - 4 weeks maximum. If someone had a slightly longer prognosis, they would probably be in a care home. If someone is placed in a hospice and lives longer than their prognosis however, they are not just chucked out!
If the Carer lives in another area but the person they care for lives in Sutton, what happens?
The criteria is the GP location. So if this is in Sutton or Merton, St Raphael's would be the hospice, not only for the person needing end of life care, but also for the support of friends and family. If there was a mobility issue or transport issue etc and you are on the borders, speak to the Hospice of preference and see if they will make any considerations.
Are most people in hospice's because of Cancer?
No. It can of course be because of Cancer, but it can be numerous other conditions such as COPD, motor neurone disease or any disease with complex support needs. However, it could also be due to age and frailty. If someone is elderly and frail and settled in a nursing home, as disturbing and disrupt them at this stage would not usually be beneficial. If someone is struggling with pain or discomfort however, they may benefit from being moved to a hospice which specialise in this support.
What about individual needs and wishes?
Hospices focus on this. There are very frank and honest and direct conversations about things people find awkward. If someone wants to talk about how they want to die and what treatment they do and don't want, they will have these conversations with no ambiguity but very sensitively handled.
What if someone is expected to die in hospital but doesn't want to?
This is when you need to speak to the palliative care team. People are referred to hospice care through their medical teams, but you may have to ask them to consider this as an alternative. Not everyone will get the opportunity, hospices are small, but you won't get unless referred. So, open the conversation to express preferences.
How do you get a place in a hospice
A referral is required from a health professional, so if it's not brought up, open the conversation.
Q&A on Wills and Inheritance Tax
What are the criteria of a beneficiary?
A beneficiary must be at least 18 years old. If younger, someone you trust can be designated to manage the money, or look after the inheritance until they turn 18, or it can be officially put in Trust via a solicitor. Please speak to a solicitor for any complexities.
Do beneficiaries have a right to see the will?
No-one has a 'right' to see your will. The only time anyone needs to view a will is during Probate. Having said this, do let people know you have written one and where it is!
What is the seven year rule?
If you give something to someone as a 'gift' and you pass away after 7 years, it is not considered for inheritance tax.
Should I make my home over to my child in advance?
This is not necessarily a good idea as the property is then no longer yours and you could be asked to leave, they could sell it, or borrow against it etc.
Do you have to list everything in a will?
No, it could be personal effects shared between siblings etc. Anything you want to be specific about, then be clear.
What about debt against the estate?
Any debt has to be paid off before any beneficiaries are given anything. If there is no estate and not a joint debt, the debt dies with the person. No-one inherits debt.
Does every estate have to go to Probate?
No. There is a limit over which Probate is required.
Are benefits affected by inheritance?
Obviously it depends how much the Inheritance is. Only means tested benefits may be affected. It would not affect disability benefits etc. If the Inheritance is in Trust, benefits will only be affected once the Trust is claimed.
Useful Contacts
Inheritance Tax Helpline on 0300 123 1072. If you're calling from outside of the UK phone +44 300 123 1072.
Comments